My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
