so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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