Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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