Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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