was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
