dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
