Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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