I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
