there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
