Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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