i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
