Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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