how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
