well I can't set my house on fire every night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
