Tell her she can't have a vagina
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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