I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
