im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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