As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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