You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
