The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
