Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
