Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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