When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
