I like to think it a success when the cops are called
True but thats because hes a fetus.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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