dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
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$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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