I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize