how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
