I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
