so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
