There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
