so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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