We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
