guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
