i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
