Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
