i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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