Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I got inside last night via doggy door
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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