I'm really into asian looking animals
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
