My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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