you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
