SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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