So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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