So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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