I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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