My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
