Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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