I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
