I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He shit in the fireplace
You ruined the universe
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
