You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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