Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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