All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
