party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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