I hate your face
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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