What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
