i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
