Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dignity is for republicans.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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