im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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