the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
