Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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