hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
