All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
