you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please don't give away my fajitas
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
