I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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