fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
