shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Randomize
