im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
