i may or may not be watching the land before time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
