The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
