Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
