he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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