I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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