"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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