apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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