Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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