Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
