well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
