i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
