just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize