I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
