We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
zippers are such a cool invention
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
