shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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