dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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