Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
