i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
