# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
