Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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