Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
