The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
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I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize