just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
