no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have feelings that need drinking.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
