there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
