Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
